Why I Began This Journey...

I have been blogging on Instagram for some time now, so If you don't follow me there please do! I wanted to share in depth about why I have started this blog. My goal initially, when thinking about blogging and topics I would discuss, all stemmed back to the loss of my Dad.

Coming up on three years in July, I was 9 months pregnant and at a play date with my oldest daughter Cadence, who was 1 and 1/2 at the time. My mom, dad and husband were doing some work at my In-laws house, we were going to be moving there in a couple months. We wanted to have a bigger home to raise our girls in, and although I was sad I would be living 45 minutes away from my parents, I knew it was a decision I wanted to make for my girls. Later in the afternoon when heading home, I called my husband to see how everyone was doing, no answer. I called my mom to see how everything was going, no answer. Hmmm wow, they have been working a long time were the thoughts going through my mind. About an hour later my husband walks through the door, I remember all of this like it happen yesterday. He was acting really strange, something was not right. My daughter was eating dinner, he informed me we needed to talk, ALL of us. The first thought that came to mind was divorce, we have a wonderful relationship and we are bringing another baby into this world in a month, how can this be?! He picked up my daughters high chair, brought it over to couch and held all of our hands. "Your Dad had a heart attack, I tried to save him." I felt like I was going to be sick, I couldn't quite grasp what he just said. I looked at my husband and said, "my dad died?" My world came to a screeching halt. I had so many questions, this can't be, my dad was healthy, he golfed everyday, he was a vegetarian, he was MY DAD! Oh my god my mom, my brother, Cadence, my unborn baby, my husband, how are we going to get through this? Forever our lives have been changed. My mom lost her partner of 40 years, my brother and I lost our loving, supportive, amazing dad, my girls lost their papa. The next day I said to my husband we have to name this little girl Stephanie, for my dad, for us, for my mom and brother. Today, Stevie is 2 and 1/2, although she never got to meet my dad, she knows exactly who he is.

So we have made it this far, we are strong, my dads presence is strong, and his spirit lives on. My in laws house did not end up being the right place for us. It was not a home I could live in, and also heal from my dad's passing at the same time. You may be thinking, why would this sad story inspire me to want to start my own blog. In the weeks and months to follow my dad's death, I was looking for support online. I would google, losing a parent in your 20's, coping with the sudden loss of a parent at a young age. I couldn't find anything to read, a real person, like me, who went through something similar, who feels my pain, is confused, hurt, and not sure how to move forward. I had my family to learn on, to cry with and laugh with, to share stories of my dad with, but I wanted something more. I wanted to hear I wasn't alone, that someone else went through something similar and they survived, they made it out okay. Grief is a never ending battle, just like parenthood, there is no book for this, no how to, no right and wrong. So now that I have accepted the fact that my dad is no longer with us, and I can share my story, and talk to others, that is one of the reasons I have started this blog. I want everyone who has lost a parent before their time to know you are not alone, and we can get through it together. So the loss of my dad is not the main focus of my blog, it is what has inspired me to get started. xoxox

#momlife #momblogger #lifestyleblogger #copingwithloss #grief #losingaparent #dad